Half the battle is over: You moved the baby from a crib to her own bed.
Well… let’s say that one-quarter of the battle is over. Now you have to figure out a way to get her to sleep in her own bed. Maybe you’re one of the lucky few whose sweet little angel sleeps all night in her brand new bed. Not likely, though. Here’s how to close the deal:
How to Get Your Toddler to Sleep in Her Own Bed
Step One: Lay the Groundwork
If possible, let the toddler know her “big girl/big boy” bed is coming. This may not be possible if you had to buy the bed in a hurry on the day she climbs out of the crib for the first time. But if you do get the chance, let the little one know that a terrific present is coming. If she can stand it, you might even go shopping for the bed with her. Be as positive about the event as possible. If you are genuinely enthusiastic about the toddler bed, she’ll pick up on your enthusiasm.
Some parents score by buying the bed and setting it up in the toddler’s room before she makes the transition. You might even have her try to take a nap in it. This is a similar technique that works in toilet training: you introduce the potty long before the child actually sits on it to poop! In a similar way, the toddler bed becomes an “acquaintance” before it becomes a “friend”.
What if There’s No Time to Lay the Groundwork?
What if one day you hear “the thud” followed by the cry of the frightened toddler who didn’t realize it was that far to the floor when she climbed over the rail? No time to introduce the bed (although there may be time to shop)? In this case, you may need to rush the process of introducing the her own bed… like down to less than a day. Your toddler might not like the idea of such a dramatic change. I understand.
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But changes happen in her life, often suddenly and she always adjusts. This time will be no different.
Step Two: Be Consistent
One thing doesn’t have to change, and that’s your bedtime routine. For me, the “bedtime routine” begins at dinner. After that time, every single thing that happens is regular and predictable. Dinner should be at the same time. Bath at the same time. Book reading at the same time. Everything. Consistency is the key to troubleshooting any sleep issue and this one is no different.
As long as you are staying consistent, it is best to use the same mattress she slept on in the crib, with the same sheets and bedding. Most toddler beds are designed to accommodate a standard crib-size mattress. Perhaps you had already splurged and purchased a crib that converts to a toddler bed. Even better! The point here is that the surface the toddler lays on will feel exactly the same as the crib. This is important to her keeping good sleep associations. You might even consider placing the toddler bed in the same place where the crib stood.
Step Three: Set Limits
If you have a perfectly normal bedtime routine and your little one drifts off to a blissful sleep, then you’re done. But more likely than not, your toddler is going to want to get out and find you at night. Most likely this will happen sooner rather than later.
If you have not done so already, this is the time to baby-proof your house. Gates should be placed on stairs. Cords and outlets should be safely secured and out of reach. Every item of furniture that could be pulled down, including chests of drawers, should be secured.
If you haven’t gotten into the habit of setting limits with your child, this would be a terrific night to get started. The first limit ought to involve your bed. Just because the little one has her own bed, doesn’t mean she can sleep in any bed, least of all yours. Now, some parents are fine with this and I cannot judge them. However, if any or all occupants of the bed are not okay with this arrangement, then it’s not okay, period! Also ask yourself if you still want the little one in your bed in four months. Or what if there’s a new baby coming? What if the new baby has already arrived? Clearly, a limit should be set.
The limit goes something like this: “You’ve got your own bed. [Partner] and I have our own bed. Everybody sleeps in their own bed!” Simple and matter-of-fact. No reasoning and explanation is required. If you do not know already, you should know that your toddler does not care about reasons! All she wants to know is: What are the limits and are you (mom) going to enforce them?
Step Four: Enforce Them
Here’s the toughest part. Once a limit is set, it’s got to be enforced. Among the worst things you can teach a child is that the limits you set are phony and you aren’t really serious about them. Children who grow up without enforced limits are more anxious and less happy. They may not show it, but they need limits! Kids test limits not because they are unhappy or imp-ish, but because they need to know that the limits are there and are being enforced by the “Limits Setter(s)”.
Every time she gets out of bed and comes to yours, you should bring her back to her own bed. The tough part of this act is doing it calmly and without emotion. I cannot stress this enough. Remember: no explanation or reason is going to help. It’s just wasted breath. Your toddler is never going to say to you “Gee, Mom! I never thought of it that way! Thank you for explaining it to me”.
Step Five: She’s Got Her Own Bed, Now She’s Got to…
When you return her to own bed, the routine should be the same. Brief, matter-of-fact, and to the point. This is much easier said than done. Your toddler’s main job in life is to find the chinks in your armor and plunge through them. Maybe she’ll ask for water, or a bottle (don’t get me started on this one!) It will be tough, but you are tougher. Stay firm, stay calm, and stay consistent.
The Easier-Said-Than-Done List
- Be Consistent: Keep the entire bedtime routine exactly the same as it was when she slept in a crib.
- Set Limits: Everybody sleeps in their own bed. Children thrive on limits. Without them they are lost.
- Enforce the Limits: No limit is any good if you don’t enforce it. Remain calm. Take deep breaths. And enforce the limits you set. You’ll be glad you did. So will your toddler.